2:49 am in the night, just had the urge to write something.
Sighs. The amount of workload screaming at me right now. And I don’t have much help with anything, from anyone. You see, it’s pretty much of a dilemma right here. When someone offers help, I reject it because I don’t think it’s right for others to help me with MY work. But I do need help. And sometimes, people who are supposed to help, they just don’t offer it. And I don’t ask for help. Not anymore. It has become a default thing to do and I always reply them “It’s fine I can do this.” Why? I don’t know too. And honestly, I’m already satisfied knowing that they did their required parts. The rest, collation etc., I just don’t feel good letting others do it. Well, so in one way or another, I kind of brought all these to myself.
3 more weeks to go, I’ll survive. Afterall, I even survived the past times when even I myself thought I can’t. So what’s so big deal about all this? I can handle it, and I will handle it.
Actually, sometimes the way I can smile at others every single day amazes myself. I know about all the stress I’m having now, I know how much of a mess I’m in right now, and I know shit’s going to be down if I can’t meet deadlines and all. But somehow, whenever I see others, I can just smile and say “I’m good!” and at most probably whine sometimes. It’s only when I come back to virtual typing that I actually express all the negative things. Again, it’s something default. I see others, I smile. That simple. Is this some kind of Leo thing where people don’t normally show others their weak sides? But then again, I do show it, just that it’s to really few people. Look at me being so self-contradictory now. Ha.
I think I’ve changed. I don’t know how, I don’t know why. I just feel different now. Not sure if it’s good or bad though. I’ll just see how it goes I guess. And how everything is going to work. Bad or good, I’ll just manage it.
humanoidnomore 